Gumby Handshake

Reader’s Digest recently reported that the first seven years after the onset of menopause, women lose 30 percent of their bone mass.  How on earth is any older woman able to stand up?  All the menopausal women are turning into Gumby as I write this!

This is when I got very concerned about the proper act of handshaking. 

When I was growing up, no one taught me how to shake hands.  Believe it or not, this is not a thing that ladies did.  It is not anyone’s fault that I did not learn how to accomplish this little trick of etiquette and that I had to try to learn how to do this task on my own.  Sometimes we have to try to figure things out by ourselves.

“That is the wimpiest handshake that I ever felt.  It felt like a wet noodle,” a young man said to me quite a while ago, when the trend of shaking hands was becoming more popular.  I didn’t know how to respond to his comment.  I just smiled.  I didn’t want to get into how I didn’t learn how to shake hands and that I was in the process of teaching myself.  This guy probably was not aware that there are no classes being taught on this subject.

Now that I have experienced more handshakes, there are times when a man will shake my hand and their grip is so tight that it seems as if he truly wants to arm wrestle.  When these men’s fathers taught this mannerly deed, I am pretty sure that the Dads wanted their sons to have a nice firm grip, not to scare someone into thinking that they might have to be prepared to arm wrestle.  Well, let me tell the men of America that it is not necessary to shake a woman’s hand in that manner.  If you want to arm wrestle with boys, go find some to arm wrestle with.  If you want to arm wrestle with girls, tell us first, so we are prepared.

I think that I am probably speaking for most of the women in America when I say to please not squeeze our hands too tight, no matter how old we are.  We do not want all our fingers to get stuck together like Gumby’s!  Don’t embarrass yourself by breaking some lady’s hand bones.  We need to hang onto all the bone mass we can.

12 thoughts on “Gumby Handshake

  1. LOL, during my Public Speaking class one of our speeches was called an informative speech and one of the guys actually did his speech on the proper way to shake hands!

    I do not want a guy breaking my hand, but I can’t stand it when their handshake is limp either.

    Sorry, I have to go, I just suffered some bone loss…..

  2. Hee hee! I can’t stand the power-shakes, but I can’t stand the fish-shakes, either. I always want to say, “Surely there’s a middle ground in there SOMEWHERE!”

  3. LOL, this is true. I hate a limp handshake, i don’t want someone to brake my hand, but then again, i should feel like they’re gripping onto my hand. Especially as a woman though, I hate it when i shake other women’s hands and they are limp .. it makes me feel like im some kind of freak man! hahaha!

  4. Limp handshakes are the worst. Especially from men. They should teach this in college. Or better yet, high school! Bet it would be up there with “Typing 101” in terms of usefulness…

  5. Just reading this made my hand hurt with remembered bone crushing handshake pain. But at least the implication there is the guy thinks I can handle it. When they give a limp handshake it makes me think they think I’m weak, which drives me nuts. Maybe handshakes should just be banned.

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